I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
