i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
