You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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