so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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