this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
