this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
