I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
