How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
