She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
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