somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
