remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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