ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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