I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
