I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
