Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
