I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
