the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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