i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
