My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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