I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
