Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
