Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
