I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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