it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
