So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
