I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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