she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
