Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
