Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
