i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
