Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
