planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
