I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
