I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
