Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
