my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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