thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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