i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
