You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
