he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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