All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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