We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
