how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
