Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
