5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
