For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
