you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
