he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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