words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You ate ashes out of my bong
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
