Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
