they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
