Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
