my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Drunk is not a location!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
